I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
