this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
