I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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