Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
