Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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