so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
