Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
