Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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