also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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