How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
