I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize