He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize