we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
