I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
