Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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