i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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