Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
