I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
