your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
