Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
