Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
