Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
