And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
