Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
