3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize