guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
