Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
