Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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