i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
