Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
