Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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