I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
