do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
