I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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