she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize