I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
two words...techno handjob
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
