my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
