I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
