if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
