That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
