i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
