so that wasnt chicken after all
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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