I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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