Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
