I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
