he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
