He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
