My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
