I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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