I cockslap morals
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
