If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
