problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
