I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
