K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
