I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
