I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
