these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
