10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
