So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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