she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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