You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
