i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
