I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
