just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
whose parrot is this?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
