You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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