She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
