i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
