and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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