dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
