tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
