??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
