I feel like abortions should bother me more
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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