I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize