just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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